I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
