The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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