I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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