the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We talked him into tasing himself.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
