so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
