I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
