I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My ass is underappreciated
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
