i used baking grease as lip gloss
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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