TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
