We won't sleep together?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
