why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
