oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
