every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
