Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
