tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I understand Curling. That high.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
