I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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