Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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