I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
