i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you traded sex for a burrito?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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