I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
