your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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