Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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