if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Randomize
