I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
