Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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