remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
