I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
