if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
