This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
