i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
