Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
