I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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