i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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