apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
