Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
