So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
