good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
