I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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