Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I have already put on my inside pants.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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