we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
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I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
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I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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