So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
