i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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