This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
