Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
