dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
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How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
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I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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