you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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