PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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