I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
