smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
