I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
