Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
