Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
