They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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