That's intense
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
where are my eyebrows?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
