Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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