LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
