I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
