Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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