I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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