Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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