I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
