So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
