And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
