i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
