omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
